Christine Chang: i almost broke up with nate last night Musicalmindz: omg :( Musicalmindz: what. Musicalmindz: he’s meeting with us today Musicalmindz: whyyyyy is he soooo dumbbbb Christine Chang: i just don't think he cares about what i'm going through for him Musicalmindz: i dont think he understands Christine Chang: so i'm kinda over being taken for gratned y'know? Musicalmindz: ya :( Musicalmindz: thats totally reasonable Musicalmindz: so what happened?? Christine Chang: i dunno, i just got really angry yesterday Christine Chang: haha Musicalmindz: or maybe its better not to talk about it haha Musicalmindz: lol Christine Chang: not a really good recipe for a good talk Musicalmindz: yaaa Christine Chang: just things have been really good between us since i took some time off from him Christine Chang: so i asked him how he felt about it yesterday Christine Chang: and he basically said nothing has changed Christine Chang: so i got mad Christine Chang: haha Musicalmindz: that seems reasonable haha Musicalmindz: (that you got mad) Musicalmindz: (ALSO HOW ARE YOU ONLINE) Christine Chang: haha Christine Chang: i'm at work Musicalmindz: lol Christine Chang: i shouldn't be Musicalmindz: heheh Musicalmindz: but ya this was unexpected for me Musicalmindz: faye was telling me things got better Musicalmindz: or at least seemed better Christine Chang: yeah Christine Chang: i just don't see anything changing Christine Chang: bc even when things are really good between us, it doesn't have any effect on nate Christine Chang: so it's just outta my control Musicalmindz: ya ill hopefully understand more tonight Musicalmindz: because he and I have talked about this before Musicalmindz: and i thought he didnt want to get married but was fine with it because he knew thats what you wanted Christine Chang: right Musicalmindz: i also dont fully understand why he doesn’t want to get married Musicalmindz: which is what i hope to figure out tonight Musicalmindz: does he have work tomorrow? Christine Chang: nope Christine Chang: he doesn't want to define his future Christine Chang: he wants to just go with the flow Christine Chang: foreverrr Musicalmindz: right Musicalmindz: well, ill pick his brain and figure out whats going on Musicalmindz: maybe its not something we can fix and like you said, its out of your control Musicalmindz: but i have a long list of questions im going to ask him Christine Chang: haha ok thanks jason Musicalmindz: so at the very least he fully understands what he’s doing Musicalmindz: if that’s what he wants and he’s sure about it then there’s really not much to do Musicalmindz: but i really dont think that’s the case Christine Chang: i don't think it is either Christine Chang: but it's so frustrating Musicalmindz: yup Musicalmindz: its kinda ridiculous Christine Chang: he just think sof the worst possible outcome Christine Chang: and assumes that Christine Chang: which is stopping him Musicalmindz: ya thats what i was thinking Musicalmindz: i just think he saw his family explode when he was fairly young Musicalmindz: and how much it affected his dad Musicalmindz: and he’s like, i cant put myself in a position where that will happen Christine Chang: right Musicalmindz: which i will never understand because I didnt go through that Musicalmindz: and i know for sure will has talked to me about how much it affected him Musicalmindz: he said he never would have gotten married or it would have been nearly impossible for him to get married if he didnt accidentally make a baby with gwen Musicalmindz: same thinking Musicalmindz: his dad was his idol Musicalmindz: and then he saw that whole thing explode in front of him Musicalmindz: had to watch his strong dad in tears Musicalmindz: while his mom took advantage of him and left him and took half his money Musicalmindz: and now his dad is a shell of who he used to be Musicalmindz: never really recovered Musicalmindz: so he was always like, fuck this shit, im never going to get married Musicalmindz: why would i open myself up to that risk Musicalmindz: and his older brother was already in college when it happened Musicalmindz: which is why it didnt affect him as much Musicalmindz: same with the macks Musicalmindz: the older they were, the more they were shielded from the damage Musicalmindz: jakes clearly in a similar position Musicalmindz: i remember the epic arguments with susana over marriage Musicalmindz: i dont want to make it seem like any of this excuses what he’s doing but ive just been trying to think for a long time what its actually like for people who’ve had to go through this Christine Chang: yeah, i try to understand too Christine Chang: and understand why i need it so much Christine Chang: but i think for me, it's like that security i've never felt like i've gotten from nate Christine Chang: and i feel like he knows me well enough Christine Chang: to know that i wouldn't screw him over Musicalmindz: everyone feels like that when they get married Musicalmindz: i am not certain faye wont screw me over some day Musicalmindz: i am not joking at all Musicalmindz: because I have felt just as sure about every person ive wanted to be with forever Musicalmindz: the only difference with faye is that ive lasted longer Musicalmindz: each day she doesn’t screw me over is a slightly less chance that she will screw me over the next day Musicalmindz: i trust her completely but that doesn’t mean i dont know what can happen Christine Chang: well that's very logical of you Christine Chang: and why do you wanna get married? Musicalmindz: i dont really see a point to marriage honestly Musicalmindz: but i want to show her that i want to spend my life with her and commit to being with her forever so we can safely make decisions that are long term Musicalmindz: and if that’s what it takes, then sure Christine Chang: =) Musicalmindz: “but i think for me, it's like that security i've never felt like i've gotten from nate” Musicalmindz: will getting married really make you feel any more secure? Musicalmindz: i know it won’t make me feel any more secure Musicalmindz: i know how faye feels Musicalmindz: the marriage doesn’t change that Musicalmindz: just like you know how nate feels and he knows how you feel Christine Chang: i don't know Musicalmindz: ya i know, i think you guys should get married, it will be good for nate to make that commitment Christine Chang: i guess i feel thta if we don't get married, he is bascially saying that he doesn't think we're going to last Christine Chang: so then why give up my time? Musicalmindz: ya i hear you Musicalmindz: if nate had his way Musicalmindz: what would happen Musicalmindz: you guys would just stay together but not be married? Musicalmindz: ill be asking him this of course lol Christine Chang: yep Musicalmindz: but curious what you think he wants Musicalmindz: ah Christine Chang: he told me that's what he wants Christine Chang: bc there's nothing wrong with the relationship Musicalmindz: do you know if he’s opposed to the marriage because of the actual wedding or is it because of the legal ramifications of being married Christine Chang: it's the idea of marriage Christine Chang: about planning the future Musicalmindz: ah ok, then ill ask more about that Musicalmindz: that just seems like immaturity but i dont really think he’s immature, ive seen his accounting excel docs, he clearly cares about the future Musicalmindz: maybe he just knows he’ll want to be financially secure in the future and that’s as much as he’s willing to commit to Musicalmindz: i dont know why marriage means you have to plan for the future Musicalmindz: do you want to have kids soon or something? Christine Chang: nope Musicalmindz: ok then there’s really nothing that will change in planning by getting married Musicalmindz: haha Christine Chang: i know! Christine Chang: he does think he'll disappointment Musicalmindz: ? Christine Chang: we've agreed to kids in like 4-5 years Christine Chang: and he worries that in that time, he won't want kids Christine Chang: so he'll just be disappointing me again Musicalmindz: ohh i see Christine Chang: even though that's what he wants now Christine Chang: but like Christine Chang: i don't really know how to respond ot that Christine Chang: i can't predict the future Musicalmindz: ya neither can he Musicalmindz: if he thinks he wants it now that’s the only assessment he can go off of Christine Chang: exactly Musicalmindz: basically Musicalmindz: unless he is sure right now that he never wants to have kids Musicalmindz: he should marry you and just assume he’ll get to wanting to have kids Musicalmindz: im afraid of losing my freedom when we have kids Musicalmindz: but i know its something i want so ill just put up with the loss of freedom whenever it happens Christine Chang: thank youuuu Christine Chang: i agree with you Musicalmindz: well he may not want to lose that freedom Christine Chang: yup Musicalmindz: like he thinks he’s fine with losing it now Musicalmindz: but he doesn’t know if that will change Musicalmindz: and i think at the root of this is what you said Musicalmindz: he doesn’t want to disappoint you Musicalmindz: but he doesn’t know how he’s going to feel Musicalmindz: and he doesn’t want to be tied down by whatever decision he makes now Musicalmindz: but i think i know and maybe hopefully he knows, that’s going to be a big mistake Musicalmindz: what happens 4 years down the line when he’s not with you Musicalmindz: and has all the flexibility in the world Musicalmindz: but no christine Christine Chang: =) Christine Chang: i'm just glad to talk to you and hear someone who understands where i'm coming from Musicalmindz: well i dont fully understand :P Musicalmindz: but mostly Musicalmindz: haha Christine Chang: =) Christine Chang: but honestly Christine Chang: i don' thtink nate is gonna change Christine Chang: he doesn't understand what he's feeling Christine Chang: and until he does, nothing will change Musicalmindz: well ill pose it as logically to him as i can Musicalmindz: so there’s no confusion Musicalmindz: and then he just has to decide what it is he wants Musicalmindz: flexibility or losing the chance to have a life with you Christine Chang: yup Christine Chang: ok boss is in Christine Chang: i should sign off Christine Chang: thank you jason Musicalmindz: ok good chat! Christine Chang: i don't feel as angry anymore Musicalmindz: good :) Musicalmindz: i will report back tomorrow Christine Chang: and godo luck tonight Musicalmindz: haha thanks Christine Chang: Will you let me know how the talk goes? Bc I'm sure nate won't tell me. Musicalmindz: oh i am absolutely sure he wont Musicalmindz: lol Musicalmindz: of course ill tell you